Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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