I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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