Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize