My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
