dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize