Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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