just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize