A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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