did you get engaged???
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
