are you still at the devil's house?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
