fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
