oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
