ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
