I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
