Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Say something about gay babies.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
