Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
As shirtless as possible
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
