can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
