"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
