Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
