oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
