I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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