Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
