There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
