I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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