He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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