I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
