ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
