Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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