I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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