Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
