She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
