did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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