Can Purell be used as lube?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
