No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
