He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
