no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
