Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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