So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
