can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
