so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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