ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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