to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
