I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
