Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
