I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I need a beard to bite.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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