Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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