So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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