He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
