Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
