So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
