he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
