I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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