i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
