Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
