nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
