She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
