I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
