I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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