then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
