my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
