Your dad touched me again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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