You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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